I hate pacifiers SO MUCH! I especially cannot stand when a child is old enough to talk and they are allowed to do so with a pacifier in their mouths. Toddlers are hard enough to understand anyway, why should we let them make it any harder.

I have always felt this way about pacifiers, even before becoming a parent. You know how it is when you aren’t a parent and you judge people and say “My kid would never do that!” and then how it is after you become a parent and you just think “Whatever works!”. Yeah, well, I still hate pacifiers.

After Little Man was born, we had a home nurse come visit us once a week for six weeks or so. It was great to have her answer questions about the baby, about me and my healing process, and just be there for support. For some reason that eludes me now, she recommended that we give him a pacifier to solve a problem we were having at the time. I balked, but it was worth a shot. Lo and behold, it worked! He stopped crying. I don’t think he used pacifiers to sleep, but just to suck on while he was awake, freeing me of becoming a “human pacifier”. Great! But I was still upset on the inside, having failed (in my eyes) and needing to rely on a pacifier.

A few months later we bought him the bigger pacifiers for infants rather than newborns. One day we were out at the mall, happily walking around pushing Little Man in his stroller while he happily sucked on his pacifier. My husband looks down at Little Man and noticies that the ENTIRE pacifier is in his mouth. The whole thing from the nipple to the plastic handle. That isn’t supposed to happen! He pries it out of Little Man’s mouth and right then and there pacifier time is over. Forever. He was five months old at the time.

The other day I was cleaning out Little Man’s dresser, making room for his next size of clothes and I found a pacifier in one of the drawers. I set it on top of the dresser and forgot about it. Later, Little Man walks by, sees it, and immediately puts it in his mouth to begin sucking on it. NooooOooOoooOo! I grabbed it back with minimal complaints from Little Man. I will not have a child who talks to me through a pacifier. No. No. No. Not happening.

I. Hate. Pacifiers.

Besides, kids are so much cuter without them covering half of their face.

But, whatever works. If you want to use one for your kid, that’s cool. I just really don’t want to talk to your kid unless his mouth is pacifier free at the time.